Curious about everything.
“Shh,” I say to her, “it’s okay. This is really stupid and I’m pretty sure it’s mostly designed to make you feel bad about yourself. In four years, you’ll never have to do this again and in about 16 years, you’ll actually kind of enjoy running.”
I’m here to let you know that I haven’t figured it out yet and I don’t know if I’ll be able to figure it out in the foreseeable future. I’m trying to be okay with it, but truthfully it is very difficult.
I’ve made my peace with not knowing all of the answers - I will simply allow myself to be. In the famous words of wrinkly space priest Yoda to burgeoning Jedi Luke Skywalker: “Do or do not. There is no try.”
I had nightmares about work: vivid movies wherein my students told me how much they hated me.
It was never that I wasn’t able to pick up the pieces while I was struggling, but I did already have my hands quite full and that made for slow work.
“Hey, I’m Taylor and I like Paul Kelly. No, like really, really like Paul Kelly.”
We painted our posters and took to the streets, chanting loudly and passionately, thinking (naively perhaps) that things might change.
Not feeling sick I've convinced myself that I must be faking it - something which sends me spiraling each time I think about it.
My classroom became virtual overnight; my student's faces replaced with their unrelenting avatars staring back at me while I 'teach' at a screen.
I can be a bit of a nightmare to live with; I'm excitable, work in short bursts of energy, have a short fuse, and worst of all, I'm an introvert that masquerades as an extrovert at my job...
thoughts from the first year 